With the recent media frenzy regarding the Ant Mcpartlin problems, I feel compelled to speak about men and divorce (not his case, just men & Divorce).
We hear so often about the effects it has on women, but rarely see it from a male perspective. Over the years I have personally coached, nurtured and listened to men that are comforting a broken heart. They struggle just the same as women, but because in many cases they are unable to discuss openly how they feel with their friends and family, so instead they try and keep a stiff upper lip and keep the emotions inside in fear of appearing weak and vulnerable. And so it’s no surprise that many turn to alcohol to ease the pain, and keeping those emotions in check is almost impossible.
Most people have said “we all have control and can make decisions”, I disagree, when you are emotionally on your knees, there really is no such thing as choice, it’s an effort just to get out of bed, when you lose your life partner, your rock, your best friend, lover and confidante, you lose your footing.
I am not talking about the man that had already emotionally detached from his marriage, I am talking about the man that had no idea he was going to be facing divorce, because his wife had decided to exit the relationship, usually abruptly and with no warning, they come home to an empty house and a dear John letter perched on the side.
Divorce is without doubt acutely painful, both for men and women and when you are going through it you feel like you are the only one, it’s all encompassing time consuming and isolating, and I don’t know anyone that has gone through divorce unscathed, or not done things during that time that was completely out of character, because that’s what divorce does it changes you.
I have heard men say how they sat at the kitchen table going through old photographs cutting up images of their EX, or discolouring their exes faces out of family portraits. Ripping up clothes and burning personal belongings in anger, doing all sorts of things because they were feeling abandoned.
This is what happens when people are faced with rejection and hurt, and discarded. The future without their partner seems impossible, at the time looking at the relationship through “rose coloured glasses” remembering the marriage as perfect. As we all know, if the marriage was perfect, it wouldn’t have ended. But when you are going through those first weeks & months of divorce the emotions are high and it’s a real life roller coaster… it’s only years down the line that people are able to reflect and look back and realise the incompatibilities within their marriage, once the dust has settled and they are in a better situation. In the meantime they have to go through the various stages of grief that make them feel powerless as they watch the demise of their marriage.
So I wouldn’t be too quick to judge Ant Mcpartlin… he may be a celebrity, but he is a man going through Divorce and that makes him vulnerable, that makes him real.
A qualified life coach inspiring people to make better love choices based on compatibility, a personal growth advisor and happily single. "Luving" & embracing this new chapter of my life...